Blue Sky Living

The Prayer of Abandonment

Recently I've noticed this prayer popping up in different places. I'm taking that as a sign to integrate it into my life and thought it worth sharing here. It's popularly titled The Prayer of Abandonment.

My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following

your will does not mean

that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that my desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire

in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything

apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this

you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost

and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear,

for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me

to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton (1915-1968) "Thoughts in Solitude"

Because I Care

“I was a little concerned for you and had to call someone to make sure you weren’t going off the deep end.”

That was the feedback I got last month from a friend in another state. She had been reading my blog and wasn’t quite sure what I believed. I assured her I was doing fine, thoroughly enjoying life, sustained with a sense of deep peace.

I further confirmed I wasn’t making secret sacrifices to Satan when no one was looking. If I ever do that I’m sure you’ll read it about here, so no worries.

Experiencing the Divine

When it comes to spirituality I believe that one should be experiencing one's faith. One's belief system should include intellectual and theological integrity as well as be experiential and practical.

I sometimes call my higher power the God of my misunderstanding because just when I think I've figured things out I discover I really knew very little at all.

Here are some ways that I experience the Divine in my life.

The God of my misunderstanding:

• Brings me through my troubles
• Is ever present with me regardless of how I feel
• Grants me well-being and shalom
• Heals and restores that which concerns me
• Sees, hears and provides for me
• Enables me to relax
• Helps me to accept my own humanity and limitations
• Removes undue pressure
• Causes me to breakthrough that which appears imposssible
• Secures my future in spite of my best intentions

Is your belief system only intellectual or does it also contain an experiential element too? How are you experiencing the Divine in your own life today?

Living Honestly

The other day I was with a friend who was struggling with secrets. These secrets were held in place by fear of what others might think and shame about what would happen if people found out. The result was self-loathing that sounded something like this:

 

I don't deserve to be happy.

I'm not good enough.

It's all my fault.

I'll end up alone.

Because of this I'm a bad person.

 

Ironically, his 'secrets' were not as insidious as one might think. The world built up in his head was far more dangerous that the world in actuality.

Terrible & Wonderful, Ugly & Beautiful

Most people don't speak candidly about their lives. The stuff of life--trauma, abuse, or out-of-control behavior--is generally too grotesque and overwhelming for people to reflect on, let alone share publicly. Shame and fear incarcerate and keep one in isolation.

Jenny Skylark Kuvin is a notable exception to that. In The Terrible & Wonderful, Ugly & Beautiful Story of My Life So Far, Jenny shares her journey without shame, fear, or excuse, highlighting how one just doesn't survive but also comes to accept the terrible and wonderful, ugly and beautiful that oft characterizes human existence on this planet.

Jenny's story is a page-turner. When one thinks things can't get worse, they do. And yet their is a scarlet thread of redemption woven throughout, a voice calling to her through the darkness that all is not for naught.

I recommend Jenny's book to anyone who is wondering how bad things in life can be transfigured for one's good. I recommend Jenny's book to anyone who who has been impacted by sexual trauma, physical or emotional abuse, or addiction. I recommend Jenny's book because she's become a dear friend, personal rabbi, and prophetic voice in my life this past year.

This story is not about religion or answers. It is about radical honesty, acceptance of life's incongruities, and transformation. 

Her story to me echoes the lyrics of Dolly Parton in Travelin' Thru:

God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain

Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain.

Her story will inspire you to find your own redemption in very real pain. Truly, nothing is in vain.

 

Jenny and I at her smicha--rabbinical ordination--in New York City last week.

Jenny being anointed by her ninety-eight-year-old rebbe, Rabbi Gebelman. 

Capping the Leaky Bits

While I have vented my anger on Facebook and Twitter, it has been difficult for me to identify how I really feel about the ongoing devastation caused by this oil spill.

As a clinician and spiritual teacher, I understand that anger is usually a secondary emotion covering  other feelings underneath. But it's taken me weeks to unearth my true feelings as uncapped anger continues to spill at about the same rate as BP's oil.