I also anticipated that it would be something good. I knew change had to come because I felt myself increasingly frustrated professionally which then impacted me personally. I mean I had had a good life in the sun, a decent paycheck, and beautiful studio loft in Fort Lauderdale. But I was ready for a new challenge.
I became more and more restless--even cantankerous--as the year moved on. The addictions industry I worked in was becoming very troubling: corporate investors, insurance companies, and patient brokers were making it harder and harder on those doing quality work. At times, I had to engage unprofessional and unethical people. So even more restlessness ensued. Something had to give.
Doors would crack open and then suddenly slam with a thud. Spring was particularly difficult. At one point I became very despondent and disillusioned. The inner critic in my head had a field day. It was easy to be very hard on myself.
My dad wisely commented that a closed door is not always bad, it's just a re-direction.
Luckily, those closed doors provided re-direction back to NYC. In many ways, returning here has been the restoration of a dream that I think I may have forgotten.
So in recent weeks I'm filled with gratitude anew. I'm also reflecting on what kind of legacy I want to live at this phase of my life. It's definitely a new chapter, and I want to write it right.
Here are some personal questions I've been reflecting on:
- What can I do to give back to society, to make a difference, to bring about positive change, and to work for justice?
- What can I contribute to the world that comes out of my own experience?
- Where can I plant seeds in a garden, which I may cultivate, but never harvest?
- What am I going to do with the time I have left?
I'm grateful for the last seven years in South Florida. I'm certainly not slowing down. In fact, I'm just getting started.