- Horrific stories of physical and emotional abuse.
- Rape and other forms of sexual violence.
- Unbridled anger, hate and rage unleashed on undeserving ones.
- Shame, alienation, and further isolation due to out-of-control passions.
- Spiritual crimes committed in the name of God.
It can get really overwhelming.
Truth is, life is full of suffering. The real point, I believe, is how we respond to it.
I like this perspective on suffering from Thich Nhat Hanh:
When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.
It's sometimes very difficult to hear that message of "help" from the perpetrator of needless suffering. Yet, it is there.
Remember, hurting people hurt people. We stop the cycle when we don't respond with further hurt, offense, pain, or indignation. We stop the cycle when we are able to respond with compassion, grace, and ultimately forgiveness.
I have learned that if we are open to it, suffering can be transformed into an instrument of healing. That is the beauty of the symbol of the Christian cross. The grotesque instrument of capital punishment was transfigured into a symbol of redemption and restoration for all.
Part of spiritual journeying is allowing that process of transformation to take place in our lives. The great moments of pain, suffering, and injustice can serve to shift us into a better, second half of life as Richard Rohr so aptly puts:
Did you know the first half of life has to fail you? In fact, if you do not recognize an eventual and necessary dissatisfaction (in the form of sadness, restlessness, emptiness, intellectual conflict, spiritual boredom, even loss of faith, etc.), you will not move on to maturity. You see, faith really is about moving outside your comfort zone, trusting God's lead, instead of just forever shoring up home base.
Usually, without growth being forced on us, few of us go willingly on the spiritual journey. Why would we? The rug has to be pulled out from beneath our game, so we redefine what balance really is. More than anything else, this falling/rising cycle is what moves us into the second half of our own lives. There is a “necessary suffering” to human life, and if we avoid its cycles we remain immature forever. It can take the form of failed relationships, facing our own shadow self, conflicts and contradictions, disappointments, moral lapses, or depression in any number of forms. (From Daily Meditation)
He continues:
Remember this: no one can keep you from the second half of life except yourself. Nothing can inhibit your second journey except your own lack of courage, patience, and imagination. Your second journey is all yours to walk or to avoid. My conviction is that some falling apart of the first journey is necessary for this to happen, so do not waste a moment of time lamenting poor parenting, lost jobs, failed relationships, physical handicaps, gender identity, economic poverty, or even the tragedy of any kind of abuse. Pain is part of the deal. If you don’t walk into the second half of your own life, it is you who do not want it. God will always give you exactly what you truly want and desire. So make sure you desire, desire deeply, desire yourself, desire God, and desire everything good, true, and beautiful. (From Daily Meditation)
At this stage of my journey, responding to suffering is accepting the invitation into the second half of life. The unfortunate experiences do not serve to destroy me but rather are my entrée into a whole new way of life, one that embodies compassion, wholeness, healing and hope.
Feeling the pain is part of healing the pain, but it certainly doesn't end there. Your suffering is an invitation to the life you've always dreamed. Will you accept it? Will you desire it? Will you transform it? Will you be transformed by it? Will you live a deeper, more thoughtful, more compassionate life?
It's really up to you. We'll certainly be better for it if you do.
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