What I've Learned at 50

I’m turning 50 this Sunday. Like most, I’m saying, how the heck did this happen?!?

A few months before my 49^th birthday I got very excited that 50 was on its way. This excitement surged from deep within yelling, I made it, I survived, I’m living the life I want to live! I am at peace with myself, my family, my friends, living my best life on Life’s terms.  All is well!

When I turned 40 I made a list of things I’d learned. So I decided to do it again. I’ve taken my list from 40 and updated it with a 50 things I’ve learned at this point of my journey:

1. Too much introspection and soul-searching does you little good. (I'm finally listening to my dad on that one.) At some point you need to stop thinking about it, and just make a move. Staying stuck in your head only results in paralysis.

2. Guilt is over-rated and rarely productive. Let it go! (That includes your Jewish guilt, Evangelical guilt, Catholic guilt, Muslim guilt, family guilt, your momma’s guilt, you get the picture.)

3. Shame is toxic and destructive. The reality is that it will always be there on some level, usually when one least expects it. The goal is to manage it well—rather than it managing me.

4. Fear ultimately only hurts me. No one else.  Except perhaps those it keeps me away from.

5. The decades goe by so very fast. Even faster than what they told me—or at least faster than what I heard them saying. I was just looking at 30 yesterday. Yep, life's a vapor. Savor every moment.

6. Every decade, think about what you want your life to look like in ten years. Then, plan for it. I’ve been doing that since 29. I’m now preparing for 60. I’m not a big fan of five- and ten-year plans. But they can serve as general guidelines to keep us thinking about what we want in life.

7. Oh, let me re-visit something about fear. Age and experience can help us overcome our fears. I’m far less fearful than I was at 40, 30, or 20. That’s good news. It gets better.

8. It's good to create your life as you go. It's good to make hard decisions and walk them out.  It’s okay to start over, and please do start over often. I recommend a daily clean slate.

9. Stay in the moment because it’s all I really have. Focusing on my breath helps with that.

10. Things can get bad and stay that way for a long while but time really is on your side. This too shall pass. It really does pass. Just give it more time.

11. Keep short accounts. Live a life of forgiveness—with yourself and with others.

12. Guard your heart. Release resentments before they turn into bitterness. Resentments are emotional cancer and hurt only me. They also make me extraordinarily un-likeable.

13. Religion will fail you. Faith won't.

14. No one has a corner on faith. If they say they do, they probably just want your money.

15. Keep traveling. Experiencing new places, cultures, and peoples challenges our presuppositions about life and makes us better, if we let it.

16. Life is rarely black and white. Life is lived in shades of grey. Get comfortable with that notion. It makes life easier.

17. Clean living has its benefits. Find out for yourself.

18. Morally speaking, what's clean for one may be unclean for another. And what’s unclean for one may be clean for another. Find out for yourself.

19. Listen to counsel. When in doubt, seek a little more counsel. Then, find out for yourself.

20. Take risks. And be willing to live the consequences that come with.

21. The more I learn about Life, the more I realize I have very few certitudes when it comes to God. I’m learning there is peace in the mystery of not knowing and that Love conquers all. And that's enough for me.

22. The more I experience life the more I realize I have very few answers. But lots of darn good questions.  Learn to ask really good questions.

23. A little doubt is healthy. Too much doubt, lethal.

24. A little levity has never hurt me. In fact, a lot of levity has only done me good so I can usually do with a little bit more. Have a lot more fun because life can be really challenging. Fun and laughter make the journey much, much easier.

25. Worry is mostly BS disguising itself as concern. It's treacherous and in the end a traitor. Watch out for it. Kill it when it rears its ugly head. Have no part in it.

26. Things somehow work out—maybe not the way I want—but somehow the way I need.

27. I'm pretty lousy at predicting what I'm going to need.

28. Trust the process of life. The Universe really is on our side, despite how things might temporarily appear. Trusting takes practice, so keep at it.

29. If you don't want people to know something, don't tell them. In fact, don’t tell anyone.

30. If you want to drive people crazy, stay silent. There can be great value in keeping them guessing.

31. I'm not very good at staying silent. But there is great wisdom in knowing when to hold one’s tongue. Once words are uttered, they can really never be taken back 100%.

32. Know when to speak up and be counted. Silence can also be viewed as consent, even viewed as an assent. Sometimes our voices must be heard, especially when the vulnerable are involved.

33. It does no good to argue a person's experience. You can dispute a position, but never an experience.

34. Gratefulness is radically important to life. Gratitude produces contentment, joy, and peace.

35. Complaining doesn’t change anything other than my mood and the mood of those around me. Find the solution instead of the problem.

36. Sometimes we need someone safe to listen to us complain. And then we need them to slap us silly and give us a hug, telling us it's going to be all right.

37. Don't take being slapped silly too personal. In fact, don't take anything too personal. It’s really not about me, even as much as my narcissism would like me to think.

38. Love your neighbor. Be kind to everyone. You might need them someday.

39. Take time for family. We don't have each other for very long. Speak your love to them while they are still here. This includes chosen family.

40. Be generous with your time and money, and give it in a strategic way. It will come back to you when you need it.

41. Practice generosity of spirit in all things. Live life from a place of abundance, even when the bank account is low especially when the bank account is low.

42. There are givers and takers in life. Surround yourself with more givers that takers.

43. Most of the choices we make in life come from a place of hope or despair. Always choose from the place of hope.

44. Hope is not wishful thinking. It is quiet confidence that arises from the still place of one’s spirit, from the quiet of one’s soul. Get in touch with that place within you often.

45. Live graciously. Class is not inherited or bestowed, it’s developed and nurtured.

46. Sometimes it’s okay to keep up appearances and act as if. Not everyone needs to know what you are going through.

47. Not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. Share it with those who have.

48. When you can't believe for yourself, it's very good to have people in your life who are believing for you. Find those people, and keep them in your life.

49. People in my life need me to dream, need me to be vital, need me to be me. That's the greatest gift I can give them and the world. Authentic me. Good, bad, and not-so-ugly.
50. The greatest gift my family and friends have given me is believing in me, even when I couldn’t believe in myself. It's a tangible expression of unconditional love. My goal is to return the favor to them. Often.

By the way, this list isn't for you. It's for me. It’s a reminder to live according to the values I hold to and espouse. But do feel free to steal, plagiarize, or plunder anything that fits you. I'd be most honored.