You are on this planet for a purpose. Finding your purpose and then living it is probably both the greatest challenge and greatest reward you may ever have.
On Saturday March 16, I'll be hosting a seminar on Living Your Legacy NOW, according to your core values, purpose, and mission.
The information presented will empower you to:
· Become more proactive.
· Get what you want out of life.
· Determine your core values, life purpose, and mission.
· Learn to think strategically.
· Set realistic goals.
· Analyze your strengths and limitations.
· Manage your time better.
· Refine your priorities.
· Live life intentionally.
· Fulfill your dreams.
· Live the life you were born to live.
Registration by March 14 is only $30. After March 14 and at the door, it's $40.
Coffee and pastries will be served. Cost covers instruction, exercises, materials, and group interaction.
We'll convene at Covenant Centre, 9153 Roan Lane, Palm Beach Gardens from 8:45 a.m. to 12 Noon.
If you are ready to get on with things, change your life, enjoy your journey, or re-evaluate your progress up to this point, I invite you to come.
A great adventure awaits you. You can do it. You are the answer to your hopes, dreams, and prayers.
"After experiencing the loss of my husband to sudden death I was left feeling lost and without a sense of purpose or direction. My Doctor recommended I hire a life coach. I didn't know what to expect but I did know who to call, Jonathan Benz. I have just completed his workbook and have been amazed at the transformation that has taken place in my life. Working through his workbook has helped me to understand myself better and has given me a clear sense of purpose and direction. Even my friends comment that they see a great change in me for the good. The value I have received from working with Jonathan is far greater than anything money can buy."
I'm a big fan of Super Soul Sunday on OWN and its segment called Soul Pancake. This is another great video clip that will fill you with optimism and hope for the future.
In some ways it was a topsy-turvy year. I escaped a dicey merger-and-acquistion and landed a fantastic promotion in my field with less stress and more benefits.
I had relational changes. Some relationships were strengthed. Others I had to let go.
Letting go of relationships is hard for me because commitment and loyalty are part of my core values. But I learned a little bit better how to detach with love.
I found a new rhythm to life. In the last couple of months I've been able to re-visit and truly live according to some deeply held principles. I'm practicing daily gratitude.
I'm connecting to the large, water fowl on the lake outside my bedroom window. I stand at the window and watch them fish and find myself meditating and connecting in new ways. Even the growing alligator made a Christmas day appearance.
So the end of 2012 looks vastly different than did the beginning. It was a year of a lot of change.
One thing I understand about life: Change is the one constant. That proved to be so again.
I often teach my clients how navigate change by trusting the process of life. It takes a lot of faith, surrender, and acceptance to do that. I had to do my share this year too. I can tell you that it indeed does work.
When we choose to trust the process, live in gratitude, and believe the best, things indeed do work out--perhaps not on the time-table we'd like but definitely on a time-table that's right.
As I reflect up on my life, family, friends, and work, I am indeed grateful.
Are there things that I wish would have occurred differently? Perhaps.
The Colombian novelist Gabriel García Márquez wrote: "No llores porque ya se terminó... sonríe, porque sucedió."
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
I was with a group of spiritual seekers recently and the topic of spiritual alignment came up. It's an idea that I've taught for a number years and have been practicing again recently.
When I practice spiritual alignment I start with myself: spirit, soul, and body. I go back to a place of meditation, contemplation, or listening/centering prayer where I don't do any speaking.
I recognize the power of my ego for what it is and detach from any self-centeredness connected to. Sometimes, I visualize myself "leaving my body" and floating upward and then looking down on myself. I find this allows the conscious awareness of my spirit to become more dominant and the nervous flow of thoughts and feelings subside.
That's how I get "out of my head" and "into my spirit". For me, I visualize meditation as descending deep into who I am so that I can then rise above my thoughts, feelings, and circumstances.
Once I feel like I have centered myself in that spiritual plane, I then set my intention to call the people, places, and events into my life that are critical to my primary purpose. I do this in my spirit.
I as well sometimes very deliberately say out-loud: I call into my life the people, places, and events that are necessary for me to fulfill my purpose, and I send away any people who are not critical to my purpose to the place where they should be so that they can fulfill their own purpose.
While that might sound awkward, I that find being specific releases me and others and can yield more rapid results.
That kind of affirmation arises from this principle: If I am not aligned correctly I can potentially keep you from aligning correctly too.
I find these types of spiritual practices helpful to re-visit to from time to time and am amazed at the resulting momentum and synergy that can result.
Why not try it right now?
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
" Stillness is the language God speaks. Everything else is a bad translation." Eckhart Tolle
I have battled various forms of perfectionism for most of my life.
In high school, my room was immaculate with each hanger equidistant in the closet. That later changed when I had a messy roommate in college. When living with a slob, one eventually succumbs to the inevitable, downward spiral of the uninhibited and carefree.
But the perfectionism still manifested in different ways. Overachieving. Strict standards of personal accomplishment. The best grades. Precise speech (in several different languages, of course). Perfect dress.
I think the first sign of it was probably when I was about seven-years-old. My parents had signed me up for soccer. I remember the first match. I had no idea what was going on and got a scorching sunburn. Instead of figuring out the game and applying more sunscreen, I retreated and gave up. I was too afraid of not succeeding again. I couldn't play perfectly, so I might as well not play at all. Failure was not an option, so I opted out.
MASKED FEAR OF FAILURE
Perfectionism is masked fear of failure, rooted in shame.
While we might be born with a propensity for shame, I believe it is primarily learned. We learn it at home, in the classroom, on the playground, or in the pew.
We can spend a long time trying to figure out how or why it came. Sometimes, it's just best to recognize that it did indeed come. Accepting it's reality in our lives is the first step to overcoming it.
SHAME IS DIFFERENT THAN GUILT
We also must recognize that shame is different than guilt. Guilt is when we feel bad about what we've done. A little bit is healthy. It causes us to change our lives. It reminds us we still have a conscience.
Too much guilt is toxic. It morphs into shame. We shift from feeling bad about what we've done to feeling bad about who we are. That's what shame is: feeling bad about who we are.
Guilt is connected to behavior. Shame is connected to identity. We feel fundamentally flawed, broken, or unworthy. We don't feel good enough, worthy enough, or lovable enough.
That's why I'm not a big fan of guilt or shame. It's over-rated. I recommend giving it up. Especially the Catholic guilt. Baptist guilt. Jewish guilt. Pentecostal guilt. Or the guilt from your mama. It's completely counterproductive to a healthy spiritual life.
STOP THE NEVER-ENDING CYCLE
Shame is challenging to heal. It takes time. Time to recognize it, and time to confront it.
Remember, perfectionism in our lives is a sign that shame is lurking below the surface.
Perfection is a compensatory, coping skill that will sound something like this: "I feel so bad about this thing so I have to be perfect and over-the-top in this other thing to make up for how terrible I feel about the first thing."
Perfectionism never works because we will always come up short. When we come up short, the feelings of shame then intensify, and we feel even more shameful. So it's a never-ending cycle.
For me, confronting and changing perfectionistic behaviors is key. Breaking myself of all-or-nothing, absolutist thinking is also important. Understanding that I am more than good enough, completely worthy, and unconditionally loved are also of paramount importance.
I endeavor to live in a perpetual state of grace, and that isn't always easy. Yet, it's always beneficial.
ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE
One of my favorite contemporary writers is Anne Lamott. She has the following to say in Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life:
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.
I love that. Perfection is our enemy. Shame is our enemy. They keep us locked in insanity. I have to remind myself of that when I start feeling insane.
Perfectionism (aka masked shame) will keep you from enjoying your life to the fullest, while others are having an awesome time.
Last I checked, none of us get out of this alive. So why not start giving up perfectionism and shame today? Your rigid standards make life difficult for those around you and ultimately are destroying the beauty of what makes you, you. But at the end of the day, you are the one who suffers the most from your unattainable perfection.
I dare you to spend a few minutes being imperfect. I challenge you to allow yourself to be human. Color outside the lines. Take a risk. Give yourself permission to mess up a little!
When we live in the place of grace, I'm not sure that we can ever entirely mess up. We are able to recover from most things in life. There's always sufficient grace to get us through.
I think it was intended to be that way all along. I'm just glad to know it now.
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